Starr is a blogger???

 This seems so trivial compared to most of my life's problems right now but it hurts that my dad doesn't approve of Chris. Just because he's white. I understand where he's coming from of course. But still. He's acting as if Chris is the devil. For something he can't change. Yes, there are things Chris will never understand, but I don't understand why he can't just accept that I really like Chris and be happy for me. When we were talking afterwards Chris said that "he doesn't see colour". I think that's the stupidest thing ever because if he "doesn't see colour" then he doesn't see me. I just don't think he understands. He also said that he told his parents about me being black. It kind of rubbed me the wrong way. It seemed like he felt he had to explain me being black because it's a deviation from "normality". Yet my daddy making a big deal about him being white is "weird". It makes me think...

“The Khalil I know would’ve jumped on tv in a hot second and told everybody what happened that night if it meant defending you. And you can’t do the same for him.” That’s what Kenya said when I confirmed I was the one with him that night. She also said that if it was one of my Williamson friends, I would be on tv defending them. It hurts because I know it's true. Khalil was the bravest person I know. I’m a coward. I saw what the cops did to my dad when they realized I was the witness. I can’t let that happen to anyone else. Seven, Sekani, I’m protecting them. Besides, I already talked to the police and they did nothing. I want justice for Khalil more than I've ever wanted anything in my life but I don't know what else I can do.  I couldn't get justice for Natasha, even after I found out how it was. But I can for Khalil. I just don't know how. I’m scared. 

 At Maya’s house today, she was flipping through channels on the tv when I caught a glimpse of a face I could never forget. A tiny pointed scar above thin lips, and a short burst of freckles. I told Maya to pause at this channel and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Hailey roll her eyes. The interviewer asked a man, “How has your son’s life changed since this happened?”. The man rattled on about how terrible One-fifteen’s life has been and how he’s afraid to go out in public because of death threats on his and his family’s lives. I tuned out until I heard Hailey say, “That poor family.” I was shocked honestly. “His life matters too, you know?”, she continued, "all lives matter". I mean how could you say something so willingly ignorant? I feel like I shouldn't have to explain why that's so wrong to say. Then she kept talking as if I was being rude when I tried to correct her. I thought now was as good a time as any so I asked her why she unfollowed my Tumblr. I ...

My uncle Carlos said they haven’t arrested One-fifteen yet because “Cases like this are difficult.” I don’t understand what’s so “difficult” about it. One-fifteen killed Khalil. End of story. I asked Carlos if he would’ve shot as well. He paused then said he couldn’t answer that question. I think it's an easy question to answer. He said that it's hard to say because we don’t know what the officer was feeling in the situation. Maybe, he felt threatened, was Khalil acting suspiciously? Why was Khalil refusing to comply? Did he have something to hide? When he reached into the car, was he reaching for a gun? I asked him if it had been a white man in a Mercedes and he thought he saw him reaching into the car for a gun, if he would’ve said “hands up” or shoot. He hesitated and I wish I hadn’t heard his answer. 

 We left the party early because we heard shots. Khalil was going to give me a ride home. We were listening to Tupac and talking about harry potter when we heard the tell-tale siren. Blue lights flashed out of the corner of my eye. Khalil pulled over. The officer stepped out and tapped Khalil’s side window. He asked for his license, registration and proof of insurance. Khalil asked what he pulled us over for. Breaking my daddy’s first rule. I remember how scared I was. I pled with Khalil to just do as he said. The officer then asked where we were coming from. Khalil said something along the lines of none of your business and my heart was racing. All I wanted to do was cry and beg Khalil to just do as the officer said but I was frozen. That’s when the officer asked Khalil to get out of the car with his hands up.  He yanked him by the arms and pinned him against the back door. Then the cop yelled at me to put my hands on the dashboard and not move. Petrified, I did as he said. H...